


thnks fr th mmrs

by IsisKitsune



Series: Prompt Fics [37]
Category: Angel: the Series, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Blood Drinking, Clint Has Issues, Clint Needs a Hug, Comfort/Angst, F/M, M/M, Nightmares, Past Lives, Reincarnation, pstd symptoms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-26
Updated: 2013-12-26
Packaged: 2018-01-06 06:54:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1103803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IsisKitsune/pseuds/IsisKitsune
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It all started with bad dreams...</p>
            </blockquote>





	thnks fr th mmrs

**Author's Note:**

> Written for a [prompt](http://avengerkink.livejournal.com/11264.html?thread=25846272#t25846272)

Clint shot upright in the middle of the night, training and experience keeping the only sound he made to breathing and shifting of sheets as he rushed toward the bathroom. The sound of his breathing seemed too loud as he rushed to the sink, running the water and trying to rub his eyes clean of the images left over from the nightmare. He blinked twice at the mirror, eyes darting at his own image as he reached out to press his palm against the glass. He rubbed his eyes again, swearing the first time he’d looked it had been empty.

“Clint, what’s wrong?”

He jumped at Natasha’s voice, “Nothing. Nothing,” he repeated more calmly when she didn’t seem convinced. “Just a bad dream.” Clint reached to shut the water off and towel at his face, “Tash… uh, there were no kids on the carrier when I was… was there?”

“Clint, you know kids aren’t allowed in HQ. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Clint forced a smile as he turned off the light and let Natasha pull him back to the bed, “Like I said, bad dream.”

Clint just curled around Natasha as she forced him to go back to sleep. “We’ll talk about this in the morning.”

Clint smiled sadly, translating that to “You’re going to talk or else”.

-

Most people skipped over the little things. Clint seemed to be getting worse because of them. Little things like how every mirror he passed he had to look at twice, just to make sure he was ‘still there’. How he, for some reason, kept trying to take a chunk out of anyone (or thing on a few occasions) if he was grabbed, that wouldn’t be so bad but given that it usually involves him snapping his teeth at them like a rabid dog that might have some bad side affects somewhere along the line if he ever didn’t catch himself before he actually broke skin, or scale, or whatever the hell they had instead of flesh. The worst part seemed to be the urge to bite at Natasha whenever they were in a more intimate setting. Well, it wasn’t always Natasha (they weren’t exclusive like that) but it was always someone who ended up in his bed.

“Clint, what’s going on with you?”

Clint just blinked up at Natasha and shrugged, “Nothing, nothing’s wrong. Why?”

“You haven’t come to bed in nearly a week…”

Clint shrugged again, “Sorry, guess I’m in the mood for one of those big strong men to pin me down. I’ve been bunking with Thor lately.”

“Clint, we never got a chance to talk.”

Clint actually nipped at his lip, “No, we didn’t. Sorry Nat but I gotta run.” Clint winced when he pressed a kiss to her cheek as memories flared before bolting.

Natasha was stumbling when there was a knock on the door in the middle of the night, “Coming.”

Clint just sadly smiled and shrugged, the majority of his clothes dangling from an arm while the other kept his waist covered. “I uh, kinda got kicked out…”

“What did you do for Thor to kick you out?”

“I, kinda bit him?”

“Bit, are you alright?!” Clint winced slightly as Natasha lifted his jaw so she could look at his teeth, “You didn’t break a tooth did you? He’s really thick skinned.”

“No, I… kinda broke skin.” Natasha blinked before realizing how tender his jaw was. “Yeah, I actually bit through it. He, it seems he’s not into biting. Something about a ‘draugr’. I’m guessing that’s bad if he throws me out of his room…”

“Clint, you could have just asked if I minded biting, you didn’t have to run off like that.”

Clint looked away, “I didn’t know I wanted to bite until I just did it.”

“Right, that’s the reason you’ve been wincing every time you get anywhere near my neck. Damnit Barton, a little intel would be nice here.”

“Sorry, I’ll let you in just as soon as I know what’s going on.”

-

Clint ran his hands over his face, “I don’t need a fucking therapist!”

“Sorry, Fury’s orders, all agents that were put under Loki’s control. That includes you.” Natasha handed him the papers with his schedule and he growled and tossed them across the room to land on the floor.

“I’m not going to some headshrinker just so they can dredge up some shit I’d rather keep buried!”

“If it’s any consolation, I think Stark has to go too…” Natasha shrugged at Clint’s blinking, “I don’t think Fury believes that Loki couldn’t control him.”

Clint laughed, “This is just great.”

“Your session is at ten tomorrow,” Natasha called as he stomped out of the room.

“Yeah, yeah.”

-

Bruce jumped when Clint’s jacket flew across the room to land in a nearby chair, “I can’t believe that jackass. Not all my issues stem from the fact that I’m a carnie.”

“Huh?”

Clint winced when he realized Bruce had been lying on the couch. “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.”

“Trust me, if I’m scared, you’ll know it. I mean, what about who?”

Clint sighed and sat down when Bruce sat upright to scoot over, “This therapist from SHIELD. She thinks all my hang-ups are because I was one of those textbook kids that ran away to the circus and grew up with no real ‘family virtues’ or some shit.”

“Family virtues aren’t always as well and good as the books state, take it from me.”

“Best damn choice I had was the circus, yeah I have a lot of issues ‘cause of it…”

“Like the nesting thing?” Bruce smirked, Clint actually smiled back and nodded.

“Yeah, that’s one of them. You had to keep what was yours close or else someone might ‘find it’ and keep it for themselves. I know not all troupes were like that but I sure ended up in a cluster fuck of rowdies.”

“Made you who you are, and you know we wouldn’t want to change that.” Bruce nudged his shoulder and smiled before yawning and leaning against him. “Ruined a good nap.”

“Sorry, just, venting.”

“Wish I could do that.”

“Well, you do, just usually it involves smashing shit. I’ll leave you to your nap and maybe hunt down Steve for some sparring.”

Bruce chuckled, “You’re a glutton for punishment, you know that?”

Clint shrugged as he grabbed his coat. “Musta been a real twisted fuck in a previous life.”

“Doubt you’re the only one.”

Clint blinked at the odd smirk before biting at his lip and rushing off, just realizing something.

-

“Tasha, do you believe that we only get one chance at the whole thing or do you think we get another few times around to fix what we’ve done?”

“Barton, I don’t think now’s the time for a philosophical debate…” Natasha grumbled over the coms as she infiltrated their target to get the intel they were looking for.

“I’m not debating, I’m just- wondering. Do you think this is just it, and there’s no chance in hell that we’d get to fix the things we’ve fucked up on?”

“Clint, if this is about the nightmares we should talk about this later, off coms.”

“Sort of, but I don’t think they’re exactly nightmares, well most of them are… I think they might be memories.”

Natasha actually stopped in her tracks for a second, “What kind of memories would have you wandering around all night?” Yes, she’d been partnered with him more time that she can count and yes he had his remorse, his quirks but never once was it pacing around like a caged animal. It ALWAYS had to do with nesting down or perching out of reach of all and watching, being so still any would think him a statue save for the occasional turn of his head.

“That isn’t exactly the reason I wander, I think that’s just an urge caused by remembering. I don’t know why but all of them take place at night. I guess I’m just nocturnal.”

“Maybe we should have called you Owl instead of Hawk eye.”

“Blow me Phil! Shouldn’t you still be on desk duty?” Though it was an automatic response, it still struck home the fact that they’d nearly lost him, that it was his fault even if he was being controlled.

“I think what Coulson is getting at is; this isn’t a private line Barton…”

“Alright, alright, I get the point.”

-

Clint was getting worse, he couldn’t explain how but he knew he was. The weirdest things were starting to set him off. Not in the violent way mind you but there was definitely some PTSD style shit going on. Stark cut himself on some broken glass in the kitchen one morning, it took him a few seconds after grabbing his wrist before he swung it over the sink to keep the worst of the blood off the floor. He called for Bruce as he forced himself to let go, nearly licking his fingers as he stepped out of the doctor’s way even though there wasn’t anything on them.

Needless to say, Natasha had found out, somehow and just wouldn’t let it drop. “What is going on with you?”

“I don’t know Tash, honest!” Pacing didn’t help his argument, Natasha just crossed her arms and gave him that ‘tell me or else I’ll make you and you will in no way like it’ look. “I’m just, on edge I guess. Weird things keep getting to me.”

“Like mirrors? And blood seems to set you back.”

“Yeah, I know, it’s just. Ugh, ever since that Loki thing, I’ve just been feeling- It’s like I’m trapped in this weird dream loop or something! Everything is here, now, but then something will happen and everything just splits down the middle. There’s what _I_ think and _I_ do and there’s this other side of it that’s, twisted about the whole thing. And sometimes they’re so close together I can’t figure out what’s me and what’s him.”

“Him,” Natasha echoes in question while Clint stills his pacing and nods.

“Yeah, him. He’s not me, but there are still some similarities there-“

“Start from the beginning.”

“Okay,” Clint nodded, eyes completely unfocused as he turned to stand in front of her.

“And for god’s sake, sit the fuck down, you’re making me itch.”

Clint sighed and flopped down nearby, unknowing or caring if he ended up in a chair or on the floor. “When Loki, when he touched me with that spear, it- it woke something up. I just thought it was the way the Tesseract was, making you a mindless killing machine but then I realized that all it was controlling was my actions, not how I was thinking. It woke something up that _wanted_ to kill, it just didn’t want to follow orders. The Tesseract kept that part of it in check. After, I thought it was misdirected rage for what Loki was doing, making me do, but- it enjoyed what it did.” Natasha made him jump when he felt her hand on his shoulder suddenly. “He had to call it off, every time. It didn’t want to stop after taking out the target. It didn’t even want to use weapons. It just wanted to tear it apart. I, I’ve never wanted that. A target is only a thing to take out. To capture. After that, it’s someone else’s problem. I do my job and move on. Just a gun, right? Something to point and shoot and be done with it. He didn’t like that, he wanted to have fun with them. Take them apart in more ways than one.”

“We both know that isn’t you,” Natasha’s hand curled around his head to lead him to nuzzle into her side.

“The problem is, I’m not so sure anymore. The memories, the nightmares, the urges… I just, I don’t know anymore.”

“What kind of nightmares? About Loki?”

“No, this is way before Loki, before shield, hell, before I was even born. Just, killing, innocent people. The faces look familiar but I don’t know them. None of them. And all because they look like someone I don’t even know.” Clint rubbed his face and Natasha moved back to give him his space. “I don’t, I don’t want to talk about this.”

“Clint, it’ll help and you know it.”

“No, that’s just it, it won’t. It won’t help talking about the nightmares of going after you, after the team, hell, anyone that gets in my way. That tries to stop me. Every time my mind turns to what Loki did all I think about is how I should have just ripped your throat out instead of trying to fight you like a human. About how much easier it would have been if Loki had just let me play it how I wanted. I would have went back with Hill, back to SHIELD and killed every last one of you, one at a time until there was no one left with authority high enough to do a fucking thing about it! **And none of you would have had a clue!** ”

Clint took one look up at Natasha’s face and knew she was actually scared. It didn’t show, not on the outside, but just the small difference in her eyes told him. “I could have taken you all out. And I would have been laughing about it, having fun with it. The only thing keeping me in line then _was_ Loki. How is talking about it going to help?”

“Clint,” Natasha called after him when he went to leave, “I understand.”

“That’s just it Tasha, I don’t think you do. I still have mornings I’m afraid to wake up next to someone, or someone weaker than me for fear I’ll just- Rip out their throat, just for being there. Just for the hell of it”

-

Clint barely made it to the toilet before he heaved, it didn’t help matters than once the first wave was over the water was tinged red. “Clint, you okay?” He would have shaken his head but his stomach decided it was ready for round two. “Look, I’m okay, it’s already healing,” Steve carefully walked through the door in hopes of helping his partner calm down.

“Not the point Cap, fuck I can’t believe I bit you,” bit was a major understatement, he’s mauled the guy’s throat and- His stomach gave another hard clench and he was back over the toilet as Steve went to get a wet cloth.

“It’s alright,” Steve insisted as he tilted Clint’s chin up to help wash off the blood streaked across his chin and lips. “I’m already healed. It’s alright. You don’t have to freak out about it.”

“Don’t have to- Fuck Steve, I tried to rip your fucking throat out! It’s not alright! What if I hadn’t realized, what if I hadn’t stopped, what if I’d bit harder and got the artery?! Hell, what if I’d been with Nat or Tony? Hell, we wouldn’t have a tower left if I’d been with Bruce and you know I could have killed you if you were anyone else!”

“You wouldn’t have bit Natasha, Tony or Bruce, we both know that. There’s a reason you come to me and Thor, you want someone stronger that can take care of themselves if you get rough.” Clint’s eyes looked seconds away from spilling over but Steve just smiled and made sure he was cleaned up before helping him to his feet. “Now, do you want to go back to bed or do you want to run off to your nest and be alone for awhile?” Steve really wanted to not mention the second option but he knew he needed to give Clint an ultimatum and the way he was acting he knew mentioning going back to him very human rock (Natasha) might not be the best.

Clint’s head was bowed but once he took a quick, and then much longer look into the mirror at his own reflection, his eyes darted down and said softly, “What I _want_ is… more.”

Steve blinks before smirking, “We can do that too, but this time, warn me before you go all Lugosi on me.” Steve chuckled as he pulled Clint close and headed back to bed.

“Okay.”

-

Clint blinked sleep blurry eyes, grumbling about not getting up before sitting up and rubbing at his still blurry eyes. He felt his stomach churn at the familiar sensation of blood sticking to his hands and face. He could feel his chest compress, panic already starting to well up as he pulled his reddened hands away from his face to look next to him. Tony… Clint shot up and away from the bed so hard he got tangled in the blankets, drenched red and landed in the floor hard.

Tony jerked awake, looking around to figure out what caused the noise and finally looked over the edge of the bed. “Clint, hey it’s okay, what’s wrong,” Clint couldn’t breathe, or at least he sure as fuck looked like he couldn’t. “Breathe Clint, easy. Breathe. It was just a dream.”

Clint was staring blindly out as he clutched himself and rocked, jerking away when Tony touched him. _Oh god, I turned him, oh god, no._

“Clint, snap out of it!” Tony knew it was probably a bad idea but Clint wasn’t exactly in a happy place right now and he had to get him back to here and now.

Clint’s head jerked right as Tony’s palm struck his cheek, nearly knocking him completely over. What Tony didn’t expect was the feral growl and split second of teeth bearing that got him before Clint’s eyes finally focused on him. “Tony, you’re alive?”

“Yeah, of course I’m alive. Why wouldn’t I be?”

The moment Tony tried to wrap his arms around Clint, the still shaking man shoved away and got up. “I just, I need space.” It didn’t stop the genius from looking confused when the archer suddenly bolte, from the room, completely forgetting his clothes, and out of the suite.

“Jarvis, let me know if he’s trying something stupid.”

“Sir, it seems he’s heading for Captain Rogers’ suite.”

“Still-”

“Of course, Sir.”

“Steve,” was the only warning Steve got as he blinked open his eyes before Clint was suddenly climbing into bed with him. “I need-”

Steve just smiled, slung an arm over him sleepily and tilted his head to the side, hissing when blunt teeth took three tries to break skin. “Need a better way to do this…” Clint just hummed against the bite and finally began to relax.

-

“Well, what do you think?” Clint asked as he bared the new, and rather pricey, dental work.

“Are those, fangs,” Tony asked, blinking and grabbing his glasses (that he totally didn’t need or so he’s said a million times) to make sure. “Holy shit, they are!”

Clint just shrugged and smirked at Steve’s little eyebrow quirk while Bruce circled around the kitchen counter to poke at them, “You had them filed.”

“Yeah.”

“You know that’s permanent, right?”

“God, I hope so, it’s what I paid for.” Clint was grinning like the cat that ate the canary, and looked the part, as Natasha just blinked at him before walking to the coffee pot.

“Finally figured out that past life thing?”

Clint shrugged, “I’m not sure, but, I think I like where this one’s going better.”

“Fury’s got a mission for you, said he wanted to see you asap. Looks like a solo.”

Clint grumbled and grabbed at the nearest cup, ending with Bruce just smirking at the face he made at the taste of some decaf stress soother tea steeped a bit too long. “Ugh, yeeeuuuck, how can you drink that stuff?”

“Could ask you the same thing,” he chuckled as he took back his mug as Natasha ushered the archer along. “See you around.”

“Yeah, see you guys.”

-

“You may want to keep those things hidden around Fury,” Natasha was smirking the whole elevator ride up to the bridge.

“Oh, why?”

“You’ll find out,” she actually chuckled as the doors open and headed onto the bridge.

“Hey boss, what’s up?” Clint called as he grinned at the director. Fury actually double take’d at him, suddenly seeming pale. “Something I said,” Clint shrugged in the general direction Natasha had headed as Fury muttered under his breath. ‘Penn.’ “Penn? Who the fuck’s Penn? He the target?” Clint took up a perch close by the bay of monitors, suddenly wishing for something to chew on.

“Nobody, he’s nobody, here’s your assignment. Get a move on, Barton.”

“You got it Boss,” Clint threw a little solute before heading back the way he came. “Seriously, who the fuck is Penn?” Natasha just shrugged but he took one look at her eyes and knew she knew something… “That info is going to cost me a bottle of Vodka isn’t it?”

“Try a case, and work up, maybe I’ll tell you.”


End file.
